This one's a Cornballer.

Pilot review: Running Wilde

So I could go through and point out all the ways that this sucks in comparison to Arrested Development, but that would be tiring, and has already been done elsewhere, so I will not do that. Instead I will just say that this needs to transform itself into another show very quickly, or be put out of it's misery. I won't be watching it again.

What this show has going for it:

• Fa'ad: The crazy neighbor was amusing with his tiny little horse. Also, the rich moron thing plays much better as supporting character than it does as the main character.
• The tiny horse jokes.
  

And against it:

• All the other characters.
• The writing.
• Keri Russell: I really wanted her to be good at this, but she is just not funny. Or, I don't know, I guess she kind of is because she was good in Waitress, but she's not Mitch Hurwitz writing kind of funny. She's no Portia de Rossi.
  

Common elements:

• Voice over narration by Puddle. Although after watching multiple episodes it appears that Hellcats and Nikita both just had voice over introductions at the beginning of their pilots but it's not a regular part of either show. So this is the first voice over narration of the season.
• Oil tycoon in common with Lone Star.
• And I guess single parent in common with Raising Hope.
  

I didn't catch this family's last name, but I'm going to assume it's Conner.

Pilot review: Raising Hope

This was a good show. Not the funniest show I've ever seen, although it's certainly ridiculous and outside the realm of truly believable. But it was definitely enjoyable to watch and I get the feeling it's endearing enough that it'll make me cry at least once every few weeks. The characters are stupid and they do a bunch of stupid crap, but they care about each other and it makes them likable. I'm definitely watching next week.

What it's got going for it:

• Martha Plimpton & Garret Dillahunt: They're really great as Jimmy's parents. They straddle the weird collection of lines this show is walking perfectly. They're weird, lazy, and not too bright, but they're also cute, caring, and amusingly self-deprecating. Them singing to the baby at the end had me close to tears.
  
• Lucas Neff: This show does kind of depend on Jimmy being likable, and like the actors playing his parents, he manages that strange line between stupid and endearing quite well. It was the part where he was up all night trying to get the baby to fall asleep that I realized this was a show I wanted to keep watching.
  

And against it:

• The current TV landscape?: This is maybe a show that should have been on cable. It's too unconventional for CBS, it's a little too depressing to fit in with either the NBC or ABC comedy line-ups, plus it's a different type of quirky than either of those networks. FOX is basically the right place for it, but they just don't have anything to pair it with. I'm not sure after Glee is the right audience, and it's paired with Running Wilde, which I have yet to review but have already watched so I know that it's terrible. This show would really fit best with something like The Simpsons or Family Guy, so I just don't know that floating pretty much by itself on a Tuesday night is get it an audience.

Common elements:

• I was calling Marti from Hellcats and Carly Pope's character from Outlaw both something like "hip alternative girl" but I think they're both actually closer to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl model. So I feel like Sabrina fits into that category too. She reads David Sedaris, she draws funny faces on cantaloupe, she inexplicably likes Jimmy. MPDG.
• Incompetent parents in common with Hellcats, Mike & Molly, and Lone Star.
  

Some day all TV will be made by Chuck Lorre.

Pilot review: Mike & Molly

This is an old school multicam sitcom with a laugh track. Basically the kind of show that only exists on CBS these days. And that's exactly what it feels like. Like maybe it was made about 15 years too late. Lucky for it, it has a cherry time slot and the leads are charming and likable so the whole thing is actually surprisingly watchable.

What it has going for it:

• Melissa McCarthy: My god I wish this woman had a better show than this. She is awesome. I loved her on Gilmore Girls and I loved her in her first scene on this show. She is way better than the material, she's really selling the character and not making her a cartoon, and she's one of the main reasons the show works.
• Billy Gardell: He's the other reason the show works. I'm not going to say he's way above the material. I don't really know anything about him so I can't tell, but he definitely makes it likable. He's believable despite the sitcom-y-ness of it all, and his character is really charming.
• The timeslot: It comes on between HIMYM and Two & a half Men. If The Big Bang Theory hadn't moved and it was between that and Two & a half Men, it'd practically guarantee this thing to run for a good five years. As it is, I definitely see a second season.

And against it:

• The supporting cast: The sister and the partner are both ridiculous characters. They're both gratingly over-the-top and it detracts from Mike and Molly and McCarthy and Gardell's attempts to play them as real, genuine people. Swoosie Kurtz plays Molly's mom, and while she is generally quite awesome (I miss you, Pushing Daisies!), she's really hamming it up in this thing and I kind of wish she weren't.
  
• It's a multicam sitcom with a laugh track: With the rise of stuff like Modern Family and 30 Rock I think the old school sitcom, unless it is absolutely stellar (Big Bang Theory, pun intended), is on it's way out. There's a reason this is the only one that was made this year.
  

Common elements:

• Cops. This isn't even a cop show and still there are cops in it.
  
• It has a flaky, unhelpful mother in common with Hellcats.
  
• Takes place in Chicago, which is not New York or LA.
  

Vampire vs. Vampire

Pilot review: Hawaii Five-0

After some discussion with my parents, it seems that this show was not as enjoyable as I had originally believed. I suspect part of this may be due to the fact that I was familiar with (and fond of) all of the actors in this show, whereas they were only familiar with Scott Caan. Also, according to my mother, the whole human trafficking of Asian people is pretty played out in the cop procedural circuit. As I only watch one standard procedural (which has never dealt with human trafficking) I was unaware of this so the plot didn't seem as stale and obvious to me as it did to them. So I liked this show but, as usual, my opinion is just my opinion.

What it has going for it:

• Scott Caan: He seems to be universally likable. In this show, he's no different.
• The special permission from the governor to do whatever the hell they want: Basically there are no warrants, there is no red tape, there is no legal procedure whatsoever. They show up, they shoot people, they catch bad guys. That's all. It's like a show from a simpler time. A time before people wanted a touch of reality in their TV shows. Perhaps the 1970s.
• Vamp vs. Vamp: This really only applies to this episode unless someone like Stephen Moyer or Robert Pattinson guest stars as a bad guy later in the season, but it was fun to see Alex O'Loughlin and James Marsters beating the crap out of each other. Too bad it was in broad daylight and there were no fangs involved.
  

And against it:

• Alex O'Loughlin, Daniel Dae Kim, and Grace Park have all previously been supported by the charismatic performances of others (well, O'Loughlin wasn't really, which probably explains why his shows haven't lasted long). Each of them is a tiny bit bland on their own. The show is really going to have to strike the right balance to make them engaging as a team. Scott Caan can't do it all by himself.
• Hawaii wasn't really a character: Unless the show integrates a little more of the uniqueness of Oahu, then it'll be just like every other cop show on TV, just with more palm trees.

Common elements:

• I'm going to call it the second cop show after Chase.
  
• There's a dead father as a motivating force in common with Outlaw.
• And I guess vengeance as a motivating factor as in Nikita.
  

I'll watch one more time to see if I still like it, but I don't really need a cop show in my life, so it may not be permanent.

If ever I'm bored at 10pm on a Monday.

Pilot review: Chase

This is about a female U.S. Marshall with a shitty childhood. She and her team of a white guy, stereotypical Latino guy, black girl, and preppy Latino new guy, operate out of Houston and hunt bad guys around Texas. It was the kind of background entertaining where you can kind of walk in and out of the room without pausing the show and not be concerned that you've missed anything.

What it has going for it:

• Jerry Bruckheimer: I'm pretty sure his name attached to something draws an audience of CSI fans.
• Timeslot: It comes on after The Event. It'll be able to limp along for at least a season if that manages to give it a fair lead in.
• Action-y and easy to watch.

Against it:

• It's your run of the mill, dime a dozen, procedural.
  
• The lead, Kelli Giddish, is a little one note. I would say maybe she's trying too hard to get the accent, but she's from Georgia so that's not it.
  

Common elements:

• I think I'm going to have to call Female Lead a common element, since this is the third of seven.
• Black SUVs also seem to be a thing, but maybe they're a thing every year.
• Set in Texas in common with Lone Star.
  

Well crap.

Harvey Dent has nothing on Bob Allen.

Pilot review: Lone Star

Bob Allen lives in a mansion in Houston with his wife Cat. Cat's father gives him a job in his giant family run oil company. Bob has a girlfriend in Midland. Bob and his father are con men. Bob is in love with his wife and his girlfriend, feels bad about being a con man, and wants to go straight and live a normal life. And then, for some reason, Bob decides to marry his girlfriend. Also, this show has a very enjoyable indie rock soundtrack.

What it has going for it:

• James Wolk: Seriously, this guy is the next big thing. I heard someone compare him to George Clooney, but I think he's just as endearingly charming and a better actor on top of that. I'm not sure I've ever been so in love with a person after a matter of seconds. If this show works, he is the reason. He is amazing.
  
• The wives: Cat (Adrianne Palicki) and Lindsay (Eloise Mumford) are both cute and really likable. I guess that's the idea. We won't believe he loves both his wives unless both of them are lovable. They definitely help make you believe that he's sick with the idea of letting either one of them down.
  
• Cat's brothers: Their names are Trammell and Drew. Trammell is the mean one, Drew is the dumb one. I'm assuming they'll cause various types of trouble for Bob.
  
• Texas: It could just be my nostalgia talking, but I thought the Texas backdrop was fun. And it actually films in Texas (Houston & Dallas), so it's not like they're just filming in LA and calling it Texas. It really feels like Texas.
• Music: I loved the soundtrack. The first song was Snow Patrol's "Open Your Eyes". Other songs seem to be from a band called Mumford & Sons. Anyway, I really enjoyed the music. I'd want the soundtrack from this show.
• Uncle Roy: Many mentions were made about Clint Thatcher's dead brother Roy. It really sounds like Clint killed him. I'm curious to hear that story.
  

And against it:

• Sustainability: Considering some of his cons are already starting to fall apart in the first episode, it's hard to imagine that he can keep these cons going indefinitely without things starting to feel unbelievable.
  
• It's a soap?: I'm not sure how well a non-doctor, non-lawyer, non-cop drama is going to manage. The only thing similar that I can think of right now is Parenthood and it struggled through last year. This might struggle too.
  
• Stress: I mentioned this about Terriers too. I have a hard time dealing with a lot of stress and angst in shows. I stress out for the characters and it just wears me out. So I'm not sure how long I'll be able to deal with the fear that the people Bob loves will find him out.
  

Common elements:

• Dirtbag parent in common with Hellcats, maybe?
• Fake identities in common with Nikita, I guess.
  

Lost > The Event > FlashForward

Pilot review: The Event

I did not expect to like this show at all. It seemed a lot like FlashForward which I didn't enjoy. It's being toted as the new "Lost meets 24", both of which managed to be pretty annoying a lot of the time. And it's been advertised like crazy so I was already sick of hearing about it. I was basically prepared to hate it. So it was surprising when I didn't hate it as much as I'd expected. I'm not sure how long I'll stick with it, but I'll probably watch again next week.

What's interesting to me:

• Sean and Mike: Sean (Jason Ritter) came off a little twitchy and weird, but I did like the idea of him and his girlfriend's dad, Mike (Scott Patterson), possibly working together to find out what's going on. This relationship was barely evident in the pilot so I'm basically just interested in where I think it's going, but the possibility of it is keeping me interested.
• Where did the plane go?: I'm guessing the plane disappearing was "The Event", and while I'm not super intrigued by whatever is behind the plane disappearing, I am curious about where the plane went. This is probably a question that'll be answered next week, though, so my interest might wane significantly after that.

What's not:

• Everything else. Apparently vague intrigue doesn't do it for me. I didn't care about that prison or what was going on there. I didn't care about Sophie. I didn't care about the President caring about the prison. I didn't care about the conspiracy to keep the thing the viewer doesn't know about a secret.
• Lost at least gave the characters enough downtime to have some fun, get to know each other, establish love triangles, play golf, etc., so that some of the characters actually became likable and the entire watchability of the show didn't hinge on "What's going on?". I'm not sure this show has set up a situation that will allow for that.
  

Unimportant lingering questions:

• How did Sean get the gun on that plane?
• How is the President the President if he's Cuban?
  
• How can I learn to drive like Simon?
  

Common elements:

• People in unmarked cars watching other people. Until this show I hadn't realized that I've seen that in Nikita, Terriers, Outlaw, and this. So that's a thing.
• It has both covert operations of unknown origins and an engagement gone wrong in common with Nikita.
• Latino in government in common with Outlaw.
  

The Good Wife 2.0

Pilot review: Outlaw

This is a show about a notoriously conservative Supreme Court Justice, Cyrus Garza, who decides to resign and become an extremely liberal pro bono lawyer. So pretty much completely ludicrous. However, it stars Jimmy Smits so it's basically candy for all the old people mourning the loss of regular Law & Order. He also has a team of two lawyers that were his aides at the Supreme Court, a public defender, and a "hip outsider girl" P.I. The public defender is also super-ACLU-ish, one of the aides is openly in love with Garza, and the P.I. and the other aide have a "banter" that consists of her saying things that would only be considered scandalous by the aforementioned Law & Order fans and him being completely aghast at her brazenness. Also, some unidentified people seem to be keeping tabs of Garza. And Melora Hardin (Jan!) shows up inexplicably for about a second.

This is a procedural and one that's not particularly interesting to me as it is excessively lawyer-y, so I won't be watching it again. But in terms of how it might fair for the network...well, I really have very few thoughts.

What it has going for it:

• Jimmy Smits: Like I said, bait for old people.
  
• Carly Pope and Jesse Bradford: They're the P.I. and the aide, respectively, with the banter I mentioned before. I felt like it got old practically before it started, but also seems like the kind of thing that'll be appealing to the L&O folks.
  
• RZA!: Okay, so he was only in the first episode and his presence might not really be appealing to the target audience, but I was amused.

And against it:

• The title is way more exciting than the show.
  
• It's basically The Good Wife. Public figure. Scandal. Lawyering.
  
• The courtroom stuff was pretty boring, not to mention preachy, and I can see where it would get monotonous quickly.

Possible common elements:

• It has that "hip", snarky, outsider girl thing in common with Hellcats.
• And shady people spying on the main character like in Nikita.
• Older guy with a gambling problem, or who sleeps around, or maybe just middle aged bachelor might come up again this season.
  
• He has a fancy Philadelphia brownstone, but unlike characters in other shows so far, it seems like he could reasonably afford his.
  

I think that's kind of it.

The "la femme" is silent.

Pilot review: Nikita

Remember Dollhouse and the remake of Bionic Woman? Not really? I don't blame you (Sorry Joss, I love you, but it wasn't your best work). Both of them were shows about hot women who kicked ass but were being controlled by shady pseudo-government organizations. Seems pretty cool right? The problem was, in both cases, neither show could quite figure out what it wanted to be. Both had issues where the showrunners and the networks couldn't agree on how things should go, so both shows kind of flailed wildly between a variety of extremes. Sometimes they were funny, sometimes gritty, sometimes one-shot stories, sometimes serials, sometimes depressing, sometimes uplifting, and sometimes downright misogynistic. Neither of them ever managed to strike quite the right balance to be a satisfying, entertaining show.

I hope all of the people involved in both of those shows are slapping their foreheads right about now. Nikita is what they wanted to be. This show managed to be fun, exciting, dark, depressing, adventurous, intriguing, sexy, and a bit sassy all in one episode. And it all worked. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this show is WAY too good for The CW. Hopefully it's clear that I love this show so far and I plan to continue watching.

What it has going for it:

• Maggie Q: The show basically lives or dies based on her ability to carry it, and she does carry it. I'm amazed this woman wasn't already a star in the US and I'm not at all surprised she's a star in Asia. At first I was worried she was going to come off a little cold, but she played the little bits of humor and the bits of romance just as well as she did the calculating, vengeful bits. Basically I think I'm in love.
  
• Shane West: Admittedly I wasn't expecting much from him. I didn't watch him during his ER days, so I really only knew him from A Walk to Remember, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (LXG), and apparently an episode of Buffy in which he was upstaged by Wentworth Miller. So not particularly strong recommendations. (Ironically, he was in LXG with Peta Wilson, who played a previous incarnation of Nikita.) Anyway, he's believable as a shady government spy type dude and he's believable as a possible turncoat. He's doing better than I expected.
• The spy thing: Spy shows are fun. This one seems to be doing a good job of it. Nikita is believable as a spy and her entrance and exit from the big party in D.C. were great.
  
• The story: Nikita's story is pretty straight forward. She's out for revenge and some semblance of justice. The bigger story is dealing with the organization and it's ambiguous place within the US government. So it's complicated enough to not be one note and repetitive, and simple enough to not be bogged down by it's own complexity.
  

And against it:

• The CW: That's about it. It'll get the short end of the stick in terms of casting and budget. Plus, I'm not sure if this is the kind of stuff that the standard CW crowd is looking for. It seems a little too grown up for the kids watching Vampire Diaries. But who knows. I'm terrible at judging what'll be popular and what won't.
• Birkhoff: This is just a nitpicky thing on my part. He's the token tech guy and I didn't really like him. He's kind of a dick. And really, no tech guy will ever be as good as Topher.
  

As far as common elements go it had a little voiceover narration at the beginning, but I couldn't tell if that was going to be a regular thing or if it was just a quick way to get the audience up to speed on a complicated backstory. Other than that I didn't really see much in this that I'd seen in Hellcats or Terriers. Well, maybe it has the 'loft apartment way beyond the realistic budget of the main character' in common with Hellcats. But I think that's about it. Although I guess it'll at least have the spy element in common with Undercovers once that starts.

One final thing I have to mention is that I spent the whole episode trying to remember where I'd seen Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca). Finally I had to look it up and she's the daughter on HIMYM!

Why are there no YouTube clips of Rene yelling about the doilies?

Pilot review: Terriers

So first of all, I have no idea why this show is called Terriers. It's about a former alcoholic former cop named Hank and some dipshit named Britt that he's friend's with and they're maybe unlicensed P.I.s. Or something. It wasn't super clear but I'm just grateful there was no voice over narration laying it out for me. Anyway, Hank has an ex wife he's still in love with, Britt has a girlfriend who wants to have a baby, and they just made themselves enemies of some powerful real estate mogul guy in their little California seaside town. And that's the set up for the season.

What it has going for it:

• Donal Logue. I've always really liked him. This is no exception. I used to think of him as a comedic actor, but it turns out he's just a damned good actor. He had me on the verge of tears with just a look. Plus he's playing a good guy that you want to root for.
• Michael Raymond-Jones. He's Rene! Unfortunately he doesn't have the crazy Cajun accent in this show. He is, however, very likable. And he and Donal Logue are fun together.

What it has going against it:

• It's very serious. Hank and Britt make little cracks and snarky comments every once in a while, but basically it's a drama. Their lives kind of suck. I stress out for them. It's tiring for me.
  
• The story arc. I guess this thing with Lindus, the real estate guy, is going to go on for a while. It's unclear if he's really a bad guy, it's unclear what shady thing he's trying to hide, and I kind of just don't really care about the situation.
• It's a crime show. The husband and I just started watching Burn Notice and are enjoying it. We kind of forgot about Justified but we may get back to it. I still watch Bones. Basically, if I want to watch people solve crimes, I have other places I'd rather go. Honestly, I'd probably rather go back and watch the first two seasons of Veronica Mars before any of these options. So this isn't anything new and exciting.

The "this season on" thing looked like the whole Lindus thing was going to be turned on it's head a bit and Hank was going to get caught up in a tangled web of whatever's going on. So it could be interesting in the future. The problem, for me at least, is that what it really has going for it is the characters and while they're good, I didn't love them enough that I'm desperate to keep watching them. I'm pretty sure that's my final verdict on this one.

As far as common elements go, this is an FX show so it doesn't follow quite the same rules as a big 5 network show. There was no voice over narration, no one was riding a bike, there were no au courant pop songs. Maybe the dog is a thing. Maybe a lot of shows this year will have dogs...or ex wives. Mention the shitty real estate market? Who knows.

Oh it's already been broughten!

Pilot review: Hellcats

I'm going to be honest, I expected this to be the first in a long line of shows that I wouldn't watch past the pilot. I didn't expect to hate it so much as to be bored and uninterested. Based on the TWoP review, I also expected the main character to be downright intolerable due to appallingly bad acting. But the thing is, I liked this. It was fun to watch, I want to see the next episode, and Aly Michalka isn't good but she isn't really any worse than Eliza Dushku (and she's definitely not the charisma sucking black hole that is Nina Dobrev). So here's a quick breakdown.

What it has going for it:

• Cheerleading. It's generally fun to watch and I like that they're portraying these cheerleaders as actual athletes. And unlike wafer-thin Kirsten Dunst or Dianna Agron (sorry Dianna, I love you, but you're a twig), these girls actually look like they've got the bodies for it.
  
• Ashley Tisdale. 1) She looks great as a brunette. 2) She's way cuter than I ever gave her credit for on HSM (probably because she was overshadowed by Vanessa Hudgens' button-nosed adorableness). 3) And her character, Savannah, is just incredibly likable.
  
• Lewis. He's a hot guy who stands around shirtless. Honestly, I've said this before but I don't understand why the CW won't apply their male shirtlessness quotient to all their shows.
  

What i has going against it:

• Marti. It's not just that Aly Michalka is bad. It's also that she's written so annoyingly. I hate the TV version of an outsider. Of course she has a guitar. And what's with the knit finger glove things? It's like she's living in a totally different climate than the rest of the show. And that hip hop dancing stuff she does is what she's learned in the townie clubs? Does she live on the set of Step Up?
• Dan. Marti's townie guy friend: 1) looks more like a Malibu Ken than a blue collar Memphis kid, 2) is bland and that 80s camcorder he's hauling around doesn't help, and 3) will inevitably be the angst keeping Marti and Lewis apart.
  
• The adults. Apparently Marti's mom is so incompetent she can't even function as a human being without her daughter's help. I am really not looking forward to the angst that's obviously going to result from the cheerleading coach/football coach/Robin Wood (or Wayne Palmer, if you'd prefer) love triangle being set up. And why is Aaron Douglas even in this show?

So those are my thoughts. Since this is the first show of the year, I don't have a good sense of what the common elements might be, but I'll note a few things that seem noteworthy:

• voice over narration (seriously, again?)
• Memphis (or possibly just quirky, previously underrepresented city)
• main character who rides a bike (I just feel like this might be a thing)
• "1901" by Phoenix
• "Hey Soul Sister" by Train (or maybe it should just be a ukulele song category)

Okay, I've said a surprising amount about this little CW number and all without mentioning Bring It On, so I'm going to finish this up by saying that it's definitely no Bring It On, but it's still fun so I might watch next week.

So it's been a while...

I guess I kind of unintentionally took the summer off. But the Fall TV season is starting up again, basically as of last night, and I am determined to watch and comment on every pilot this year, so I am back with a vengeance! (And I can tell that that enthusiasm is probably only going to last me through about tomorrow.)

Anyway, because I have a few things to say and no good way to tie them all together in this post, here's a list:

• I still need to write about last year's Supernatural season finale and the past season of Doctor Who. I plan to get those done before Monday.
• EW's Fall TV Preview issue comes out tomorrow. I doubt it has anything to tell me that I don't already know, but it's my tradition so I'll be buying it anyway.
• The only returning shows that I'm caught up on are: Bones, Glee, HIMYM, Supernatural and Venture Bros. (I realize Bones and HIMYM have sucked for a while but I don't care.)
  
• I'm probably not going back to catch up on anything I quit last year, except maybe Vampire Diaries. And maybe I'll pick 30 Rock back up without going back to catch up.
  
• I'm going to try to keep a tally of all the common elements in this year's pilots because it was fun last time I did it.

Um, that's all. I should be back soon with reviews of Hellcats and Terriers. (And this makes me desperately wish that instead of either of these shows there were a show called Hellcats and Terriers, because that sounds amazing.)