No, I Will Leave You In!

So I'm watching American Idol because I've been told to. Apparently I'm supposed to observe a Texas kid with dreadlocks. I'm already just a couple minutes in, no singing yet, and I can't stand it. Is this seriously a show? My God. But, wow, does Neil Diamond look good for his age. Not that I have any idea how old he is. He just looks younger than he did 20 years ago, which seems like a plus regardless of his age. Aww, probably surgery. Or Will Ferrell in disguise.

Okay, Forever in Blue Jeans is a good song. And I kind of see the appeal of this guy. And Will Ferrell did a GAP ad as Neil Diamond and sang this song, so I'm really just picturing that.

Oops, I skipped the next guy. Oh well. He looks like a douchebag.

Hmm, this is a Monkees song. I don't think she should've done this. People are way too familiar with it because of Shrek, and she's making it kind of boring. What the hell is Paula doing standing up? Did they never take care of that drinking problem? Weird. Gods I don't get this show at all.

What's with the random famous people in the audience? So far I've seen Rita Wilson, the jock-ish one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends from The Girls Next Door, and I definitely recognized a guy but I've already forgotten who it was.

OOOOOOHHHMYGOD! The kid that everyone loves is singing Sweet Caroline ensuring that I will absolutely hate him for the rest of my life. Classic! Amazing! I'm just disappointed that it wasn't timed better so that he could have been singing along with entire stadium that will be singing it outside my window in a matter of hours. I'm not sure if that would have made it better or worse.

I don't think I know this song...and I don't really like it. She sounds like a Disney princess though. Which is weirdly pleasing to me right now.

Ah, and judging. I listened to small bits and muted most of it. I hate the judging. But Paula's gone insane, so I see where this show could be kind of hilarious on a regular basis. Oh, man I really want to turn this off. I don't want to have to think about more of it. How do people watch two hours of this at a time.

Dreadlocks again. I'm not really digging this song. But him sitting on the stool is reminding me of Will Ferrell again (Few people know that I am fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants). Okay, I'm muting the judging. I don't care.

Shoot, I almost skipped the douchey guy again. And it's like the guy from Creed singing. But he's probably better than Dreadlocks. I'm muting the judging again, but it looks like Simon was mildly complimentary.

I have to give the people that compete in this show a little bit of credit. The whole situation seems like my worst nightmare. Not only do they have to sing, but then they have to stand around grinning at the camera and the audience like idiots. Now that I've watched this, I probably will have nightmares about it tonight. Dammit. It's like a horror movie.

Okay, I already like her a lot more doing this second song. Do I know this song? I'm assuming I do...nope, I really don't...I like it though. Wow, I really like her singing this song. Shit, I told myself I wasn't going to get sucked into this. Muting the judging again. Okay, I'm listening to Simon. Fine. But I'm definitely not voting.

You're kidding me! Archuleta's singing America! Did he prep for this by watching SNL's Neil Diamond Storytellers? Hmm...but this is just stupid. And I don't think he's being fueled by his massive hatred of immigrants at all. Really disappointing. Judges on mute. I don't care with this one. I really don't like this kid. Unless this was all just one elaborate SNL reference.

I think I just completely ignored an Indiana Jones preview. Weird.

Okay, last one. I like this song. I'm disappointed. She's okay, but I'd rather hear the real version, I think. Is she barefoot? No judging.

Well, after this all I really want to do is watch the SNL skit. Here's the transcript. And here's the thing itself:



So my only concrete thoughts are that I don't like Archuleta and that I want to find the second song Brooke sang. Why don't I know that song?